i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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