Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
