I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
