Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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