You're my little dorito
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
