It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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