I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
