Your face is a jimmy john
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
