She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
