5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
