who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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