You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
