I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
