We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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