yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
