He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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