let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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