you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
