On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
