I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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