Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
