do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
