dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
