All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
