Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I skipped work to stalk him.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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