When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
