Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
