Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
