To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
