Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
