you win again, gameday.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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