Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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