as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
