'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
