he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Found the puke drawer
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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