its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
