he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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