You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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