im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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