So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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