Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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