I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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