Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Whod you bang
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
