You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
