So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
