Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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