Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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