OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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