I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
