Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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