I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
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I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
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Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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