i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
