Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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