he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
