a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
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I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
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What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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