Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
