I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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