Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm really busy with my period
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