last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
