he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
