I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
