I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
