Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
