Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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