garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
