even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
