just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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