And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
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i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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