hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
