The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
