I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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